Sunday 8 September 2013

Fucken Cliff SMH

Some of the best times I've had in the past few years have been doing comedy.  I've traveled to some places I've never been before, Toronto, Montreal.  And I've shared the stage with some great people, Chris Gaskin, Dawn Dumont, George Leach, and of course Cliff Paul (R.I.P.).
Cliff Paul is one of the funniest people I've ever met.  Every time you think you've heard all of his stories, he'll pull another one out that will have you laughing your ass off.  Driving to a gig with Cliff was the best part about working with him.
But I'm gonna tell you about this one time we did a show with him in his hometown of Powell River.  It was at a hotel and when we got there, he asked the organizer who all bought tickets.  The organizer named a bunch of mutual friends of theirs and then he said, "Oh, and the hotel owner is going to be there, with her Autistic son."  And this totally slips Cliff's mind.  It might've been the joint he was smoking.
So anyway, the show starts and Chris Gaskin is our MC and he kills as always.  But there's this young man in the front row making these strange noises and by the time I get up on stage, I realize this must be the Autistic kid.  And I ignore the strange noises he's making, even though it is kinda disrupting the show.
Before the show starts, we made an announcement that there be no filming of any sort.
So Cliff takes the stage, and he's killing like only Cliff can.  I'm sitting by the bar to the right of the stage and this very drunk Native woman is at the bar and she orders her drink.  She then turns around and faces the stage to watch Cliff.  She takes out her phone and starts trying to take a photo.  She's very drunk and she's having trouble holding her phone steady.  I'm right beside her and can clearly see she has an old phone and I'm pretty certain this phone doesn't have video taking capabilities.  And I can see Cliff looking at this woman every once in a while and he's getting pissed off.
Not only that, but the Autistic kid is still making the strange noises.  And it's starting to interrupt Cliff.  But he's still killing.
Then suddenly Cliff stops the show, points his finger at the drunk lady and says, "You!  Stop filming me!"  And then he points to the kid in the front row, and in a booming voice, says, "And you!  Stop with the Euugghh noises!"
The whole room is shocked into silence.
I just wanna burst out laughing because I realize at this point Cliff has totally forgotten what he was told at the start of the show.
Anyway, Cliff starts the show again and it goes alright, I guess.  But afterwards, he is pissed about how things went.  We pull him aside and remind him about what we were told about the Autistic kid.  And this moment of realization hits his face and he bursts out laughing.
I can only shake my head.  Fucken Cliff.
I miss you brother.      

Monday 19 August 2013

I Recorded My CD Last Night

I had my CD Taping last night.  I think it went well.  I did two shows, but I felt like I nailed it on the first try.  I had a few flubs, but those can be fixed in editing.  The first show was pretty much sold out, about 60 people.  Good crowd.
In the second show, I made sure the jokes I messed up the first time, I made sure I nailed them the second time.  So the finished product will be a mix of the both shows, but will mostly be the first show.
I listened to the two shows today and the proof is in the tape.  The CD will mostly be made up of the first show.
The CD is going to be called 'The Bloody Savage'.  I will be shooting the cover photo in a couple of days.  I will be painting my face in warpaint.  It will be available on www.cdbaby.com.
I can't wait for the final product to be released.
This is my debut CD, a culmination of about ten years of doing comedy.  Countless open mics, numerous conferences and corporate events.  Some of these jokes I wrote ten years ago, and I've been telling them for years, but it's time to retire them.  Some of the jokes are a little newer.  It's been ten years, but it feels like I'm just getting started.
I feel like Jerry Seinfeld when he dumped all of his act and started fresh, writing all new material.  After I taped this CD, it felt like a new chapter was starting.  I can put all this material behind me and start fresh.  I will not be performing this material at open mics, but if I am asked to perform these old jokes, I will.
I'm very proud of the first CD, but to be honest, I'm more excited about the second CD.  I'm not sure when it will be taped, but I'm excited about the new material I'm writing.  Like I said, it feels like I'm just getting started, but now I know how to write a joke.  Not that I didn't before, but now I'm finding my voice.  More of my personality is coming through in my jokes.  I've already got some jokes written for the second CD and I'm working on new material as well.
The second CD will not take another ten years.

Thursday 25 July 2013

CD Taping

I am going to be recording my debut live stand-up comedy CD on August 17th in Prince George.  I will have two chances to get it right as there will be two shows.  The final project will be a mix of the two shows.
I'm looking forward to getting my material on tape to show people what I can do.  AND I can shelve this material, jokes I've been doing for close to nine years in some cases.
I look back at some of these jokes and think, "Man, these are terrible."  But they get good laughs, which is the goal, right?  But at the same time, I'm very proud of a lot of these jokes, too.  
But these jokes were who I was.  They are me.
The CD will be a good document of who I was at this time.  A lot of these jokes contain 'I' statements:  I'm Native, I'm a university graduate, I'm a father, I'm divorced.
It's going to be called 'The Bloody Savage'.
Here's the link to the event - https://www.facebook.com/events/132579713608856/ 
I'm still not sure what to do with the final product.  Sell it cheap or give it away?  I'll give some away as a promo tool.  And I'm going to make some hard copies to sell at shows.
Did I tell you about the cover?  It's going to look like David Lee Roth's album cover for 'Eat 'Em & Smile'.  I will be painting my face like a combo between Tonto and David Lee Roth.  Red, black and white.  Haven't decided if I'm gonna be smiling or be all stoic.
No release date has been set, but stay tuned.

Monday 10 June 2013

Self-Inflicted Wounds

Aisha Tyler has a new book out called, 'Self-Inflicted Wounds'.  She also has a closing segment on her podcast by the same name and I'm going to assume she takes all of her guest's stories and compiled them into book form.
Well, my self-inflicted wound is the scar between my eyes.
I was drinking rye.  And no good ever comes from drinking rye.  No one ever has a magical adventure on rye.  A story that starts with 'I was drinking rye' never ends good.
I was about 17 years old and a fairly new drinker.  It was a Friday night.  I was drinking with my buddies Buzz and Earl T.  Straight from the bottle with 7-Up chaser.  It was December.  And because it was close to Christmas, the mall was open for Midnight Madness.  For some reason we thought it would be a good idea to go to the mall and check out the entertainment - the Old Time Fiddlers.  And they are exactly what they sound like, a bunch of old timers playing fiddles.  Fiddle music is pretty good dancing music in case you've never heard it before.
Anyways, fast forward to Monday morning because my recollection of the night is from other people.  I'm sitting in the library at school before classes start.  I sit down with this guy and ask how it's going.  And we're talking and I realize he has no idea about my Friday night.
But out of the corner of my eye, I can see this other guy telling a story to his friends, and I immediately knew it was about me.  The guys listening to the story are laughing and looking at me.  Then to finish off the story, the guy does a demonstration of a tree falling down and I know he's describing what I must've looked like as I fell flat on my face and knocked myself unconscious.
Now, again, I have no recollection of this night and I'm just going based on the stories I've heard from other people.  But apparently, we went to the mall and because it's Midnight Madness, the mall is packed.  Well, we found the Old Time Fiddlers.  And for some reason, Earl T and I thought it would be funny to dance along to them and we hooked arms and we're hopping around in circles.  I'm sure our dumbass friends were encouraging us too.  At one point, I guess I got too dizzy or something and I had to excuse myself to go and vomit in a garbage can, sticking my head right in there.
Then towards the end of the night, I was just standing there.  Swaying.  And then...tip.  Crash.  With a thud.  Right on my face.  Knocked myself out.  I think that's when I lost one of my contact lenses.
Did I mention my mother was there?  She and a friend of hers managed to get me in a vehicle and drove me home.  It was a struggle to get me in the house.  And she just left me at the bottom of the stairs just inside the door.  She couldn't drag me to my bedroom and left me there for my Dad to carry me when he got off of work at midnight.  My brother was at the top of the stairs watching the whole thing.  He says to my Mom, "Turn him on his side."  God bless him.  He knew about Bon Scott (the lead singer from AC/DC) and Jimi Hendrix choking on their own vomit after a night of drinking because he read about them in 'The Rolling Stone Encyclopedia of Rock & Roll'.
Well I woke up in bed.  Stayed in bed most of the day.  After dinner I went out to find my friend to find out what happened.  He said Earl T and I drank most of the rye and got really drunk.  Well, that's not news.  But, I did learn a new phrase that night.  'Projectile vomit'.
Anyways, I had this huge scab between my eyes and for some reason rather than letting it heal, I ripped it off.  Hence the scar.

Monday 4 March 2013

Meant To Be

I did an interview for TV when I was in Prince Rupert.  I was asked the usual questions, plus I was asked how did I know I wanted to be a comedian or something like that.
I told the story about being on vacation on Vancouver Island and when I spent the day in Victoria then rode the bus back to Sooke at the end of the day.  I watched the people as they boarded the bus after a long day of work.  I said the people looked defeated, and they did.  One lady leaned forward and rested her head on the seat in front of her.  These people just weren't tired, they were dead.  That's when I decided that this is not for me.  I've tried holding a regular job, it just doesn't work for me.  It kills my spirit.  I said in the interview I would rather do stand-up comedy and live below the poverty line (which I do) than to work at a job that crushes my spirit.  I could never be happy at a job.  I could never wake up and be happy to commute to work.  
Besides, I'm not qualified to do anything else.  It's difficult to explain to a potential employer all the 'gaps' in my resume.  I went to university and I tell people I went to become a lawyer, but the truth is I went to university to get off of welfare.  I had no idea what I wanted to do after I graduated.  Then I kinda stumbled back-asswards into stand-up comedy.  And after the first couple times doing it, I knew this is what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.  I can't even think of a job I would want to do.  I've found what I'm supposed to do with my life.  I'm not religious, but you know how some people say that God has a plan for us, well, I was meant to write jokes and tell them on stage.  I enjoy it.  And I think I'm pretty good at it.  People go their whole lives not knowing what they were put on this Earth for, not me, I know I was meant to be a comedian.  The world needs plumbers, but I find it hard to believe there are plumbers out there saying they are doing what they were meant to do.  If there are, good on them.  
I was asked by someone recently if I had any hobbies, and I had to think about it for a while, and I don't.  I have no hobbies.  But if you write and tell jokes for a living, why would you need hobbies? People have hobbies to distract them from their everyday lives.  There are certainly things I enjoy doing when I'm not doing comedy, like riding my lowrider bicycles, but I'm always thinking of my career, and working on jokes.  It might not look like I'm doing anything, but I am actually working, even now.  I don't even think of stand-up comedy as a job.  To me it's fun.  I've never thought of quitting.  Why would I?  It is the most fun thing in the world, to make people laugh at something you created while lying in bed at 3 AM, that's awesome.  Having people laugh at something you've said onstage is satisfying.  I doubt plumbers have the same degree of job satisfaction.  
I've talked with friends that have regular jobs and they also have hobbies, creative pursuits or whatever.  Some of them write in their spare time.  How do they know they're not supposed to be the next Margaret Lawrence, or Jackie Collins, or J.K. Rowling?  They're too busy making a living at their job to pursue what they enjoy.  This is going to sound trite, but life is too short to not do what you enjoy doing.  I enjoy stand-up comedy, actually I love everything about it, which is why I've made it my life, not just a way to make a living.